Holding Your Own Without Losing Your Self

I'm grateful for the wisdom found in the book "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie.  This post includes the 22 October passage. 

"Trust Yourself.  Trust what you know.

Sometimes, it is hard to stand in our own truth and trust what we know, especially when others would try to convince us otherwise.

In these cases, others may be dealing with issues of guilt and shame.  They may have their own agenda.  They may be immersed in denial.  They would like us to believe that we do not know what we know; they would like us not to trust ourselves; they would prefer to engage us in their nonsense."

The words above may resonate with you.  

In principle you can read that with resolution and conviction and agree wholeheartedly.

If you are on the receiving end of someone else's projection of guilt, shame and of their agenda; the application of this statement may require you to find your most perfect way to hold your own without losing your self.

"We don't have to forfeit our truth or our power to others.  That is codependency.

Believing lies is dangerous.  When we stop trusting our truth, when we repress our instincts, when we tell ourselves there must be something wrong with us for feeling what we feel or believing what we believe, we deal a deadly blow to our self and our health.

When we discount that important part of ourselves that knows what is the truth, we cut ourselves off from our center.  We feel crazy. We get into shame, fear and confusion.  We can't get our bearing when we allow someone to pull the rug from under us.

This does not mean that we are never wrong.  But we are not always wrong."

How is it that someone else's words can so succinctly devalue our own truth?

How do we effectively sift through the rubbish in order to apply the statement above:  that it is NOT about us; rather a reflection about them?

1. Feel what you are feeling!  Be mad, sad, hurt, angry, tearful and any combination of these and more.  Allow yourself to have that immediate goosh of emotions and feel what you are feeling.   
2. Phone a friend not the perpetrator!   Our emotional defense mechanism may be set to retaliate first ask questions later; however sending that email or picking up that phone to blast that person is a reaction not a response. Choosing to be cruel is cheap and easy and reacting in a like fashion serves only the purpose of perpetuating cruelty.
3. Breathe, get centered and ...

"Be open.  Stand in your truth.  Trust what you know.  And refuse to buy into denial, nonsense, bullying, or coercion that would like to take you off course.

Ask to be shown the truth, clearly -- not by the person trying to manipulate or convince you , but by yourself, your Higher Power, and the Universe."

I'm uncertain why fiction can feel weightier than fact at impact; however when we pause and find our own ground the "en-lightening" or weight shift can be tangible. Just because someone says something that they are presenting as truth, does not mean that it is true, for you or about you.  

Give yourself the time to disseminate their words and find perspective.  Allow yourself the opportunity to process the situation after the initial goosh of emotions have been released.  This may take minutes, hours or days.  Give yourself permission to take the time YOU need.

Once centered and open we can choose the response that best fits ourselves, the situation and best supports you.

"Today, I will trust my truth, my instincts, and my ability to ground myself in reality.  I will not allow myself to be swayed by bullying, manipulating, games, dishonesty, or people with peculiar agendas."

Choosing to pause, breathe and gain perspective is choosing to respond rather than react.

By standing in your truth and releasing the initial investment and attachment to the words and letting them and the person go may be the end of this emotional ride.

Making peace and letting go of the situation without any reactive retaliation is not accepting what was said as fact or truth.  Letting it go no further is you resuming control of your center and respecting your truth.  

Engaging in written or verbal dialogue to change the perpetrator's mind will keep you in their vortex.  Their control, not yours.

Give yourself Lovingkindness and send some to them.

Sending them vibes of Peace and Love may not be your go-to idea; doing so serves to refuel your tank and support your center without taking anything away from anyone, as they may have intended to do to you.

Doing this may take minutes, hours, or even days.  However the value in consciously releasing the space they have taken up within you in favor of Peace empowers and strengthens you.

Inhaling...

Exhaling...

Inhaling...

Exhaling...

Keep practising until you can think of them, the words, the experience, you within the experience with neutral vibes.