Inventory: Choosing Forgiveness

After writing the post Creating Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness, I've been noticing a definite shift in my vibeage.  

Credit:  Reposting image from Good Vibe University Facebook Page

In the spirit of “letting things go” I've been drawn to take care of some of those "niggling" things that have been in lying in wait for my attention and weighing on me.

Since writing

• I've cleaned out my purse (now substantially and literally lighter),
• I've cleaned out my fridge and just like the car analogy when I open it I love the tidy and shiny look,
• I've organized my pantry,
• I've created a stack of things to put in the Post.  Cards that I've been meaning to write, pictures I've been meaning to send, and little odds and ends that I've had on my mind but kept sloughing them off.
• I've sorted out the tangle of shoes at our entry and discarded ones that have been waiting to be released.
• I've got a tidy uncluttered desk.
• I've sorted through and found homes for papers that have been stuck on the bench top purgatory and now have a home.
• And a couple more items along the same theme.
• Interesting Note is that all of the things I took care of were out of sight but not out of mind.  

I ended the day feeling accomplished and the best part was that it had all been an organic process.  I've been known to whip myself into a cleaning frenzy and channel my inner whirlwind.  However it just started with one thing, then segued into the next, with a calm, cool, and productive and meditative rhythm.

Having addressed most of my items on my “should-do” list, and if you haven’t heard, One should never should on oneself. In addition to feeling accomplished I and my environment felt lighter.

  

Throughout the next 30 days I intend to create more of that good feeling.

Day One –  Inventory

It’s necessary to reflect on the past and acknowledge and identify who, what and specifically the feelings that are being held onto that  are full of negative stuff. 

This is my exercise in consciously choosing forgiveness, therefore I am requiring myself to consciously take stock of all that needs to be let go of.

Word of Caution:  This is not permission to don your judge’s robes, grab your gavel and start casting judgment.  Nor is this an exercise to envelop you and your past in a shroud of victimization.

I am not seeking retribution from others; I am choosing to release the attachment to and the belief of, that holding onto any past angers, hurts, embarrassments, etc is serving me.

The only service it is providing is to create restrictions in my life and hold me back.  Sustaining the clench takes away more energy than it would ever give and limits flexibility. 

Inhale Peace

Exhale Love

Inhale Now

Exhale Then

Inale Peace

Exhale Love...

Creating Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness

My last blog post "Holding Your Own Without Losing Yourself", has been the motivation behind my focus for the month of November.  I'm choosing to consciously release experiences, memories, the niggling things that are in the past and reclaim that space for my present and future.

My intention is to get to neutral.  

Why neutral?  

Neutral is the vibeage where there is no longer any attachment to the emotions around the experience.  It allows you to be able to recall a memory without it spiking your emotional richter scale, and making you feel heavy with remorse, anger or other emotions that can weigh on us.

Depending on the scope of what comes up during this process I respect and appreciate that some things may not get wiped clean to neutral; however my intention is to lessen the grip and lighten the intensity overall.

Here is what I have come up with to guide me, and perhaps guide you.

Think of a person or experience that when brought to mind you feel negatively about. 

Perhaps you feel it in your gut, perhaps you feel it in your heart, perhaps your entire body is immersed in a clench of the emotions conjured up by that person, experience and memory.  

Emotions such as:

• Anger
• Annoyance
• Hurt
• Guilt
• Sadness
• Shame
• Disappointment
• Resentment
• Regret
• Bitterness
• Rage

And the list goes on…

However long ago this person or experience affected you, if when brought to mind you are catapulted back into that moment, back into those emotions, back to feeling what you felt as if it were happening in this moment, it is consuming valuable real estate within your heart and mind.

Forgiveness is not about accepting the person’s actions or words as okay; nor accepting the experience as appropriate or acceptable.  Forgiveness is relinquishing the discord you are holding onto and filling that space with Peace.

The words were said, the actions taken, they happened in the past and letting go of them releases them from your present and future.

Who or What are you holding onto most? 

Who or What could you let go of that could possibly make you feel lighter, literally and figuratively?

Perhaps its something that happened last week, last year, high school or childhood.

I invite you to ask yourself what it would feel like for you, if you no longer felt so strongly (negative) about it?

What would it feel like to release or lessen that feeling of holding on? To them or to it?

What would it feel like to no longer feel that strongly about something in your past?

What would it feel like to lessen that gripping feeling?

What would it feel like to be able to recall that person or experience and not get fired up?

What would it feel like if you were not carrying that excess baggage about someone or something in the past?

What would it feel like to be no longer affected by______________?

 What would it feel like to reclaim that space to be filled with feelings that support you rather than deplete you?

Have you ever done a big cleanup of your vehicle or home and when you stand back to admire your labors it feels fresher and lighter?

That feeling of “Oooh it feels so good to get behind the wheel and look through clean glass, see a freshly wiped console and vacuumed carpet!”. That action didn’t bring back the original new car smell but it most certainly improves the environment.

I invite you to take that freshly cleaned car feeling and superimpose that onto your heart and mind.

What would it feel like to wipe down your internal console, vac the carpets and shine up the glass through which you view the world, people and experiences?

OR

What about carrying a heavy bag on your shoulder or carrying a heavy box, and once you put it down your exhaustion lifts and fatigue begins to lessen practically immediately?

Expressing that feeling of “Wow, that feels much better”.

And after your break from carrying that load you pick it up again and it feels as heavy or heavier than before.

The same can relate to the heaviness of our thoughts and feelings. What would it feel like to put them down, and not pick them up to carry again, or at the very least, unload some of the weight?

For the next 30 days I invite you to “clean the glass, wipe the console, put down the heavy bag or box” and to overall lighten your load.

I invite you to reclaim the space being held by the stories, the experiences, the people, moments that hold you in a place of discord, discomfort and pain. 

Perhaps there is just one.

Perhaps there are many.

Pause for a moment and imagine what it would feel like to let some if not all of it go.

Holding Your Own Without Losing Your Self

I'm grateful for the wisdom found in the book "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie.  This post includes the 22 October passage. 

"Trust Yourself.  Trust what you know.

Sometimes, it is hard to stand in our own truth and trust what we know, especially when others would try to convince us otherwise.

In these cases, others may be dealing with issues of guilt and shame.  They may have their own agenda.  They may be immersed in denial.  They would like us to believe that we do not know what we know; they would like us not to trust ourselves; they would prefer to engage us in their nonsense."

The words above may resonate with you.  

In principle you can read that with resolution and conviction and agree wholeheartedly.

If you are on the receiving end of someone else's projection of guilt, shame and of their agenda; the application of this statement may require you to find your most perfect way to hold your own without losing your self.

"We don't have to forfeit our truth or our power to others.  That is codependency.

Believing lies is dangerous.  When we stop trusting our truth, when we repress our instincts, when we tell ourselves there must be something wrong with us for feeling what we feel or believing what we believe, we deal a deadly blow to our self and our health.

When we discount that important part of ourselves that knows what is the truth, we cut ourselves off from our center.  We feel crazy. We get into shame, fear and confusion.  We can't get our bearing when we allow someone to pull the rug from under us.

This does not mean that we are never wrong.  But we are not always wrong."

How is it that someone else's words can so succinctly devalue our own truth?

How do we effectively sift through the rubbish in order to apply the statement above:  that it is NOT about us; rather a reflection about them?

1. Feel what you are feeling!  Be mad, sad, hurt, angry, tearful and any combination of these and more.  Allow yourself to have that immediate goosh of emotions and feel what you are feeling.   
2. Phone a friend not the perpetrator!   Our emotional defense mechanism may be set to retaliate first ask questions later; however sending that email or picking up that phone to blast that person is a reaction not a response. Choosing to be cruel is cheap and easy and reacting in a like fashion serves only the purpose of perpetuating cruelty.
3. Breathe, get centered and ...

"Be open.  Stand in your truth.  Trust what you know.  And refuse to buy into denial, nonsense, bullying, or coercion that would like to take you off course.

Ask to be shown the truth, clearly -- not by the person trying to manipulate or convince you , but by yourself, your Higher Power, and the Universe."

I'm uncertain why fiction can feel weightier than fact at impact; however when we pause and find our own ground the "en-lightening" or weight shift can be tangible. Just because someone says something that they are presenting as truth, does not mean that it is true, for you or about you.  

Give yourself the time to disseminate their words and find perspective.  Allow yourself the opportunity to process the situation after the initial goosh of emotions have been released.  This may take minutes, hours or days.  Give yourself permission to take the time YOU need.

Once centered and open we can choose the response that best fits ourselves, the situation and best supports you.

"Today, I will trust my truth, my instincts, and my ability to ground myself in reality.  I will not allow myself to be swayed by bullying, manipulating, games, dishonesty, or people with peculiar agendas."

Choosing to pause, breathe and gain perspective is choosing to respond rather than react.

By standing in your truth and releasing the initial investment and attachment to the words and letting them and the person go may be the end of this emotional ride.

Making peace and letting go of the situation without any reactive retaliation is not accepting what was said as fact or truth.  Letting it go no further is you resuming control of your center and respecting your truth.  

Engaging in written or verbal dialogue to change the perpetrator's mind will keep you in their vortex.  Their control, not yours.

Give yourself Lovingkindness and send some to them.

Sending them vibes of Peace and Love may not be your go-to idea; doing so serves to refuel your tank and support your center without taking anything away from anyone, as they may have intended to do to you.

Doing this may take minutes, hours, or even days.  However the value in consciously releasing the space they have taken up within you in favor of Peace empowers and strengthens you.

Inhaling...

Exhaling...

Inhaling...

Exhaling...

Keep practising until you can think of them, the words, the experience, you within the experience with neutral vibes.

a YIN YIN Situation

In the 5 Element image above you can see that every number is exactly the same.

As each element has the value of 24 points, they are all Yin (less than 72) and no Yang (greater than 72).  Therefore each response to the Pop Quiz was with a score of 1 being the least likely.  

Quoting from the previous post Controlling Your Yang Elements 

Is it necessary to balance out my elements? 

or 

Does everything have to be matchy matchy?

The short answer is no, if you are content and feel that all is as it needs to be then hey, keep doing what you are doing.  If you are feeling like you would benefit from moving some energy to feel different or more balanced then the answer would be, yes.

It is not ideal to have equal scores on each of the elements.  It would be difficult to manage that and since life is dynamic we need both Yin and Yang elements in order to keep us moving.

I stand corrected.

The reader indicated that the answers were first instinct choices, in the moment of reading, while taking the quiz.  

My first instinct response is, "You are the most Zen person I've ever come across"

Using myself as an example I would hasten a guess that on any given day my own score results would vary based on what was happening in my present.  However I would safely wager that Fire would be Yang consistently based on my historical data.

My curiosity was piqued so I asked the reader to take a subsequent quiz called the Lifestyle Balance Analysis which asks specific questions to flesh out the Yin and Yang lifestyle influences in your life.  The totals were not dissimilar, Yin 71 & Yang 74 total scores.  

What my intuition keeps coming back to is,"Is it possible their dominant Yin energy can actually be their Yang?"

Perhaps.  And frankly Why Not.

Reviewing the Life Balance results coupled with the Pop Quiz, I'm continually drawn to the consistency of their nature.  Their strong sense of inner, of quiet, of individuality.  Their strength and comfort within themselves and investing in themselves can be feels like pure contentedness.

My observations of these indicators is that their lives and lifestyle supports the cultivation and maintenance of Yin.  The Yang factors:  the outer, the busy, the bright, the fast are filtered, absorbed and reflected back as necessary rather than them being intrusive and overwhelming.  Or seeing the Yang elements as a force to deal with, whereas they accept and respect the Yang without getting caught up in it.

Overall I would interpret these results as a win win or "Yin Yin" situation; the reader has created a nurturing life to live within; letting go of feeling that they are without.