Creating Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness

My last blog post "Holding Your Own Without Losing Yourself", has been the motivation behind my focus for the month of November.  I'm choosing to consciously release experiences, memories, the niggling things that are in the past and reclaim that space for my present and future.

My intention is to get to neutral.  

Why neutral?  

Neutral is the vibeage where there is no longer any attachment to the emotions around the experience.  It allows you to be able to recall a memory without it spiking your emotional richter scale, and making you feel heavy with remorse, anger or other emotions that can weigh on us.

Depending on the scope of what comes up during this process I respect and appreciate that some things may not get wiped clean to neutral; however my intention is to lessen the grip and lighten the intensity overall.

Here is what I have come up with to guide me, and perhaps guide you.

Think of a person or experience that when brought to mind you feel negatively about. 

Perhaps you feel it in your gut, perhaps you feel it in your heart, perhaps your entire body is immersed in a clench of the emotions conjured up by that person, experience and memory.  

Emotions such as:

• Anger
• Annoyance
• Hurt
• Guilt
• Sadness
• Shame
• Disappointment
• Resentment
• Regret
• Bitterness
• Rage

And the list goes on…

However long ago this person or experience affected you, if when brought to mind you are catapulted back into that moment, back into those emotions, back to feeling what you felt as if it were happening in this moment, it is consuming valuable real estate within your heart and mind.

Forgiveness is not about accepting the person’s actions or words as okay; nor accepting the experience as appropriate or acceptable.  Forgiveness is relinquishing the discord you are holding onto and filling that space with Peace.

The words were said, the actions taken, they happened in the past and letting go of them releases them from your present and future.

Who or What are you holding onto most? 

Who or What could you let go of that could possibly make you feel lighter, literally and figuratively?

Perhaps its something that happened last week, last year, high school or childhood.

I invite you to ask yourself what it would feel like for you, if you no longer felt so strongly (negative) about it?

What would it feel like to release or lessen that feeling of holding on? To them or to it?

What would it feel like to no longer feel that strongly about something in your past?

What would it feel like to lessen that gripping feeling?

What would it feel like to be able to recall that person or experience and not get fired up?

What would it feel like if you were not carrying that excess baggage about someone or something in the past?

What would it feel like to be no longer affected by______________?

 What would it feel like to reclaim that space to be filled with feelings that support you rather than deplete you?

Have you ever done a big cleanup of your vehicle or home and when you stand back to admire your labors it feels fresher and lighter?

That feeling of “Oooh it feels so good to get behind the wheel and look through clean glass, see a freshly wiped console and vacuumed carpet!”. That action didn’t bring back the original new car smell but it most certainly improves the environment.

I invite you to take that freshly cleaned car feeling and superimpose that onto your heart and mind.

What would it feel like to wipe down your internal console, vac the carpets and shine up the glass through which you view the world, people and experiences?

OR

What about carrying a heavy bag on your shoulder or carrying a heavy box, and once you put it down your exhaustion lifts and fatigue begins to lessen practically immediately?

Expressing that feeling of “Wow, that feels much better”.

And after your break from carrying that load you pick it up again and it feels as heavy or heavier than before.

The same can relate to the heaviness of our thoughts and feelings. What would it feel like to put them down, and not pick them up to carry again, or at the very least, unload some of the weight?

For the next 30 days I invite you to “clean the glass, wipe the console, put down the heavy bag or box” and to overall lighten your load.

I invite you to reclaim the space being held by the stories, the experiences, the people, moments that hold you in a place of discord, discomfort and pain. 

Perhaps there is just one.

Perhaps there are many.

Pause for a moment and imagine what it would feel like to let some if not all of it go.

Letting Clothing Go with Gratitude and Love

My post Feng Shui Your Wardrobe for Clutter Rescue has resonated with many, myself included, to take action and create space in the clothing closet.  

No matter how few or how many things you edit from your wardrobe I always invite people to say "Thank You" to the items that you are letting go of and to do so with "Love". 

If you are passing the clothes along as a donation or to someone you know; its good practise to infuse the articles with the good energy of Gratitude.  You valued their worth when it was in your closet, so send it on its way to someone else with that good feeling.

If you have any reservations about what you are decluttering do not let it leave until you can do so with love and thanks.  Otherwise the energy may linger as regret and not the vibeage you want to store in your freshly cleared out space.

Dress Stress:

Someone had recently let go of an outfit they had custom made for a very special occasion. 

Despite the beautiful memories of that event where she wore the dress; it also evoked the NOT so beautiful memories of her dealings with the seamstress. Even with the dress no longer in her wardrobe, she would be reminded, especially when looking back at photographs, of how she felt about the designer.

I suggested that she think of the dress and hold it in her mind; then focus on the JOY she felt while wearing the dress for the celebration; letting the Good feelings about the dress grow greater and stronger while letting the drama of the dressmaker experience go.  This may take some practise, however it will time and energy well invested.  

Simply Put:

• Inhale the Joy of the celebration;
• Exhale the dressmaker;
• Inhale the Joy;
• Exhale the drama
• Repeat
• Repeat
• Repeat

Repeat until you can feel that you have released the dressmaker as you have the dress.

The beautiful memories from that occasion will continue to grow in value; while holding space for the designer experience does not serve you or honor your memories overall.  

What's in your closet that you would benefit from releasing with Gratitude and Love?  

Purging & Acquisitions: Releasing with Love

I believe that there are varying levels of emotional value woven into whatever we have and are holding onto. 

1. that pair of boots you wore to the bucket list rock concert,
2. the jeans you wore in high school,
3. the cache of baby clothes and your kids are teens or older,
4. the teapot your grandmother used,
5. the ___(fill in the blank)___.

All the things that we surround ourselves with, hold a link to and tell us a story over and over again.  Having memories and items that help you remember times, people, events, milestones with fondness are off the charts in holding emotional value and are treasures.

However, if you associate the jeans you wore in high school with negative self talk like, "I'm so fat, how did I let my body get like this, I will never be that size again", are they truly valuable? Are they motivational?  If they make you feel like that...let them go 

If your intention is to have them as a reminder of your Rockin' Bod and the good times had while wearing them... that's a different story and it feels different to look at them and when you tell that story.

The house I selling was bursting with emotions.  It wasn't just a property it was:

• the house me and my husband built, 
• on the land that he and I loved, 
• in the community that we helped to create, 
• in association with the business he had dreamed of starting and owning for years,
• the place to host friends, family, Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, celebrations of all things,
• it was our Family Home that our girls were to grow up in, move out of and come back to.

I wasn't just selling a house, I wasn't simply letting go of a building and some land, this was letting go of what we had known to be our foundation, of what was and what would never be.  

After my husband died, I had started referring to our going forward as "Creating a New Normal".   After physically leaving Canada every moment and experience was not just a New Normal but also one that required translation from either German or Dutch.  From the get go, when asked how we were doing I replied without hesitation that "We were having an exceptional experience!" And we did for just over 2 years!

Six months after I had put the house on the market and subsequently made adjustments to the price and still no action I felt it was time to address the energy around and feelings about actually selling.  

My intention was not to disregard or diminish the importance of what the house was to me, and my girls, but it was to find a way to make peace emotionally in order to let it go.

I believe in listening to your body and I'm an advocate for and practice listening to my "gut" as my intuitive guide.  Three main things came up for me

1. Whenever I thought of the house I felt a clenching in my chest...Not good.  
2. I felt that as much as I wanted to sell it I was clutching it to my chest...Not conducive to manifesting a buyer.  
3. Whenever the girls and I talked about the house it sounded like we were talking about their Dad, not the building...tricky

So I asked myself a couple questions:  

If we weren't in Europe right now would I be selling the house?  

Answer:  Yes

If we were to repatriate to Canada tomorrow, next month, next year would we move back into the house?  Answer: No

So I went back to the basics and created some affirmations that I wanted to attach to the house to help to alleviate and move away from the chest clutching feeling.

Affirmations

The photo on the right is an affirmation I created recently for someone who is selling and not unlike the ones I began to use myself.

Every time I thought of the house I immediately started to affirm letting it go with Love.

Every time we spoke of a family memory I would thank the house and affirm letting it go with Love.

Every opportunity I could change the language in association with the house I did.  And it began to feel better and easier.

Expressing Gratitude

Next thing I did was wrote a letter and got my girls to do the same.  The letter was dual purpose.  First to express our Gratitude to and for the house and land; and secondly as a Welcome to the Most Perfect New Owners.

I started by expressing gratitude to the house for keeping us safe, warm in winter, cool in summer. For being the most perfect place to live, for being such a gracious host to our celebrations with family and friends and for daily living.  I thanked it for being The MOST perfect place for the girls to grow up.  I thanked it for all the attributes that sprung to mind.

I thanked my husband for choosing the location, for creating such an amazing yard, for tending to the land and respecting it.  For all the things he did to make the house our home.

I thanked everyone who ever came through my door and for adding such positive energy to our space.

Welcoming

Next I welcomed the new family.  I told them how they had made the Most Perfect choice to live here.  I excitedly told them about all the wonderful reasons they will LOVE living here.  I told them how the yard and valley craved for kids to run, play and explore.  I told them how breathtaking the valley was in every season and to watch for the ample wildlife.  I told them how strong and secure the house was and that it will love being freshened up to reflect their style.  I affirmed all of their reasons for choosing to make this their home.

After completing the letters we read them out loud, which led us to share stories of this, that and the other thing.  When we spoke about those things it felt good, it didn't feel like loss.  It helped to shift from "clutching onto it" to "releasing with it peacefully".

To finish what now had become quasi ceremonial, we burned our letters and released them...with Love.

Retail Value

Finally, I asked my agent to provide me with a blank copy of the Offer to Purchase.  I filled it in with painstaking detail as if it were the real deal.

For the names of the Purchasers I put: The Most Perfect Family or Better

For the price, I put in my walk away price:  $XXX,XXX.XX or Better

For the date of possession: I put in a date and added or Better

I signed it as the Seller and Signed it for the Purchaser as above.  Then put it away and let the energy flow!

I'd love this sentence to read, "And after I put my pen down my agent called ..." :)