The Expatriate to Repatriate Journey: Are We Home Yet?

I'll have physically been back in my "home" country Canada for 4 months.  We did move to a new city, in a new province, to us, despite my having had a past experience with living here, I'm saying its new.  I had to approach this like I had the last two moves that this was a "new" country move as we had on the previous occassions.

The actual moving process began around February, the suggestion which unleashed the resistance vibe, the stress which complimented the resistance, which was the tossing around of the idea etc., leading up to the packing and follow through.  

I'd love to say that the "stress" part of the move was fluctuating and that the resistance to the move diminished as we moved forward.  Yet, when your heels are dug into the ground, as mentioned in the previous post,   the energy around the move had a resistance vibeage and so to answer my own question, "Are we home yet?", the answer is No.

One would think that moving to Europe, where we were foreign to the culture, language and pretty much everything would have been more difficult than coming home.

One may think that leaving a foreign culture and language and landing in an English speaking country would have been easier, well except for the whole driving on the wrong side of the road business (LOL)!

One could think that returning "home", would be the easiest of peasiest...No visas to worry about applying for, no translation issues, no health care dramas, no applications to buy a home process.  One may be inclined to think we would simply slot back in where we left off.

We arrived "unsettled". 
Partly because I believe there were expectations, both self-imposed and collective that were not aligned with the "new city/new province" actuality.  

In reflection I can see the strong contrast between:  everything is new and fresh versus picking up where we left off.  Those two vibes are in contradiction and we can not have it both ways; and trying to do so adds a great deal more pressure to an already dynamic situation.

Inhale.........Exhale..........Inhale........Exhale.........Inhale.....Exhale.......

My approach was simplistic:  Start.

Start by finding our way to the grocery store then back.
Start by finding our way to the shopping center and back.
Start by buying a coat.
Start by finding some comfort.
Start by reconnecting when and how we can.

Starting from where we were and working out from there.  Doing what we could with what we had and establishing our new "home base".

There is a re-calibration of your set point as you release what your normal was and create what your normal will be.  Its building a new foundation.

To answer the question "Are we home yet?" My answer would be, "We are closer to it everyday."

The Expatriate to Repatriate Journey: Turning Our World Upside Down...Again

In the last 4 years I've moved a couple times.

At a Glance:

• 2010 Canada to Germany, 
• 2012 Germany to Australia, 
• 2014 Australia to Canada.

That is a lot of moving, packing, purging, Kilometers, and change!

The decision process to move takes a great deal of endurance.  Whether its across town and especially to another continent.  

It is possible that from the outside looking in, it may appear that casually over coffee one morning we just decided to pick up and relocate... and poof there we landed on the other side of the Globe.  No muss no fuss.  

When the energy around making a continental move is well a Continental Shift!

When you are keen and eager to relocate, the physical move is a fairly straight forward. And may look similar to this...

When you are hesitant to relocate, the physical move is substantially more scribbly. Like this...

Either route gets you from A to B. 


As with any major decision there is a tremendous amount of 

• back and forth, 
• pros and cons, 
• ups and downs,
• tears of joy and sadness
• along with various and other sundry emotions.  

Think Roller Coaster, and that ride doesn't necessarily stop when you land.
When you arrive at B, you have to start to unpack and untangle what you brought with you, whether you knew you brought it along or not.  

Its a process, just like any move.

You have to decide where stuff will go and how it will fit; one box at a time.  Not just your furniture but yourself. 

Purging & Acquisition: Last Lap

Getting back on the airplane to Frankfurt after our whirlwind tour of home we were exhausted and laden with luggage.  We came with 2 pieces (one suitcase held another suitcase inside) and left with 4 jumbo bags plus our abundantly plump carry-ons.

Leaving Canada with our stuff was easy, making our train connection in Frankfurt was going to be a synchronized weight lifting event.  Here is a tip:  When travelling by train in Europe, if the schedule states that it is leaving at 15:22 then it is leaving at 15:22. As well the train may only stop for about 3 or 4 minutes before it carries on out of the station.

I worked out with the girls who was going to get on first, who was going to be on the receiving end of me hoisting/pitching/dragging the bags into the train. Then we would negotiate where we would park the bags once on board.

Also, fun fact, I'm not a stranger to packing a well stocked bag and am usually in awe at those around me who get onto the train or check in at the airport with their Barbie size suitcase for a 3 week holiday.  Now I'm not opposed to the concept that you can always pick up what you need there, yeah that is never a problem.  The image of me and my girls with 4 large suitcases, 3 large carry-ons and purses, I believe made many an observer shake their head at us.

We were successful, we were exhausted, we were trying not to be lulled to sleep by the train as we had a station change in short order............Once back to our quaint little cottage, now feeling like it was bulging at the seams with our luggage our shoulders instantly relieved being back in our home.

Over the next few months we continued to cultivate our lives, our friendships, our connections and penchant to cover as much of Europe as possible, all the while knowing that our time in Deutschland and Nederland may be soon coming to an end.



Returning to Europe and back to the now familiar sights, sounds, languages and vibe.  We had been Blessed from the moment we first landed that we were welcomed and it felt like Home.  

Sure we hacked our way through the language, and that continued throughout our time, but very rarely did it feel "foreign" to be there, Germany and The Netherlands were exceptional Hosts.

Not all expats have this experience and I viewed this as a tremendous gift. 

The one thing that expats all have in common is having to say "good bye".

Purging & Acquisitions: Releasing with Love

I believe that there are varying levels of emotional value woven into whatever we have and are holding onto. 

1. that pair of boots you wore to the bucket list rock concert,
2. the jeans you wore in high school,
3. the cache of baby clothes and your kids are teens or older,
4. the teapot your grandmother used,
5. the ___(fill in the blank)___.

All the things that we surround ourselves with, hold a link to and tell us a story over and over again.  Having memories and items that help you remember times, people, events, milestones with fondness are off the charts in holding emotional value and are treasures.

However, if you associate the jeans you wore in high school with negative self talk like, "I'm so fat, how did I let my body get like this, I will never be that size again", are they truly valuable? Are they motivational?  If they make you feel like that...let them go 

If your intention is to have them as a reminder of your Rockin' Bod and the good times had while wearing them... that's a different story and it feels different to look at them and when you tell that story.

The house I selling was bursting with emotions.  It wasn't just a property it was:

• the house me and my husband built, 
• on the land that he and I loved, 
• in the community that we helped to create, 
• in association with the business he had dreamed of starting and owning for years,
• the place to host friends, family, Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, celebrations of all things,
• it was our Family Home that our girls were to grow up in, move out of and come back to.

I wasn't just selling a house, I wasn't simply letting go of a building and some land, this was letting go of what we had known to be our foundation, of what was and what would never be.  

After my husband died, I had started referring to our going forward as "Creating a New Normal".   After physically leaving Canada every moment and experience was not just a New Normal but also one that required translation from either German or Dutch.  From the get go, when asked how we were doing I replied without hesitation that "We were having an exceptional experience!" And we did for just over 2 years!

Six months after I had put the house on the market and subsequently made adjustments to the price and still no action I felt it was time to address the energy around and feelings about actually selling.  

My intention was not to disregard or diminish the importance of what the house was to me, and my girls, but it was to find a way to make peace emotionally in order to let it go.

I believe in listening to your body and I'm an advocate for and practice listening to my "gut" as my intuitive guide.  Three main things came up for me

1. Whenever I thought of the house I felt a clenching in my chest...Not good.  
2. I felt that as much as I wanted to sell it I was clutching it to my chest...Not conducive to manifesting a buyer.  
3. Whenever the girls and I talked about the house it sounded like we were talking about their Dad, not the building...tricky

So I asked myself a couple questions:  

If we weren't in Europe right now would I be selling the house?  

Answer:  Yes

If we were to repatriate to Canada tomorrow, next month, next year would we move back into the house?  Answer: No

So I went back to the basics and created some affirmations that I wanted to attach to the house to help to alleviate and move away from the chest clutching feeling.

Affirmations

The photo on the right is an affirmation I created recently for someone who is selling and not unlike the ones I began to use myself.

Every time I thought of the house I immediately started to affirm letting it go with Love.

Every time we spoke of a family memory I would thank the house and affirm letting it go with Love.

Every opportunity I could change the language in association with the house I did.  And it began to feel better and easier.

Expressing Gratitude

Next thing I did was wrote a letter and got my girls to do the same.  The letter was dual purpose.  First to express our Gratitude to and for the house and land; and secondly as a Welcome to the Most Perfect New Owners.

I started by expressing gratitude to the house for keeping us safe, warm in winter, cool in summer. For being the most perfect place to live, for being such a gracious host to our celebrations with family and friends and for daily living.  I thanked it for being The MOST perfect place for the girls to grow up.  I thanked it for all the attributes that sprung to mind.

I thanked my husband for choosing the location, for creating such an amazing yard, for tending to the land and respecting it.  For all the things he did to make the house our home.

I thanked everyone who ever came through my door and for adding such positive energy to our space.

Welcoming

Next I welcomed the new family.  I told them how they had made the Most Perfect choice to live here.  I excitedly told them about all the wonderful reasons they will LOVE living here.  I told them how the yard and valley craved for kids to run, play and explore.  I told them how breathtaking the valley was in every season and to watch for the ample wildlife.  I told them how strong and secure the house was and that it will love being freshened up to reflect their style.  I affirmed all of their reasons for choosing to make this their home.

After completing the letters we read them out loud, which led us to share stories of this, that and the other thing.  When we spoke about those things it felt good, it didn't feel like loss.  It helped to shift from "clutching onto it" to "releasing with it peacefully".

To finish what now had become quasi ceremonial, we burned our letters and released them...with Love.

Retail Value

Finally, I asked my agent to provide me with a blank copy of the Offer to Purchase.  I filled it in with painstaking detail as if it were the real deal.

For the names of the Purchasers I put: The Most Perfect Family or Better

For the price, I put in my walk away price:  $XXX,XXX.XX or Better

For the date of possession: I put in a date and added or Better

I signed it as the Seller and Signed it for the Purchaser as above.  Then put it away and let the energy flow!

I'd love this sentence to read, "And after I put my pen down my agent called ..." :)

Purging & Acquisitions: Spatial Awareness

No matter where in the world you live nature is shifting gears for the next season. Whether you are entering into Autumn, or here in Brisbane, we are nearly 3 weeks into Spring.  The transition is becoming apparent outside in the gardens and for some this is the unconscious nudge to start purging or storing items no longer suited.  While simultaneously you begin noticing the things you need to acquire.

I know a little bit about purging material possessions.  

When the decision was made to move overseas to Germany/The Netherlands in September 2010 I put the acreage on the market, boxed up the contents, let go of a large amount of stuff by either selling it or gifting it and set off for an International adventure.

Abroad, we were living in a quaint furnished cottage in Germany, and in comparison were living quite simply.  The house I was selling was approximately 316 square meters versus our quaint cottage of about 75 square meters.  I often said that we would be fine with a house half the size, then we moved into a house 25% of what we were accustomed to...Talk about downsizing!

I measure "simply" not only in actual size, but in features.  And the comfort I found in making that change was that we were living with & within what we needed and there was zero unused space.  

As a testament to making it work I was still able to host a Canadian style Thanksgiving for twelve people, feeding them all my standard fare and did so without having things like...

• a double oven,
• a double sink,
• a dishwasher,
• a formal dining room table, 
• a 2.5 m x 1.5m counter for the buffet, 
• various kitchen gadgets & accoutrements etc...

Everyone ate, drank and enjoyed the celebration!  This validated things for me in more ways than one.

For me that shift, not only to another country & culture,  but into another way of living was refreshing, relieving almost like releasing the breath you didn't know you were holding.  

Would I have attempted to make such a drastic change in houses if we'd stayed in Canada?  I doubt it.

Did I miss certain creature comforts? No question.

Am I blessed that my girls adjusted to sharing a bedroom smaller than one of theirs?  Absolutely.

This transition did not come without sacrifices and challenges, whereas before you would have to look for where a person was in the house, now you were acutely aware of everyone's breathing patterns. :) 

Not to mention 1 Bathroom versus 3 girls in the house...

Even though this was a furnished house there were practical things I chose to add.  However when I was bringing something "into" the house, it had to make absolute sense, it had to fit and it usually had to be multi-functional.  I had to be acutely conscious of my acquisitions to insure they were adding value and not just taking up prime real estate space.  And the wardrobe rule of something new coming in, meant something old was going out was strictly enforced, without discussion.

Arriving overseas with just our suitcases and leaving the bulk of our personal items and home contents all packed up in Canada proved to be a great lesson in value...to be continued.