Emotional Richter Scale - Choosing Forgiveness

I’m curious if anyone had the image of me (or of yourself) grabbing your High School yearbook, a photo album, or address book and flipping through it as if you were looking at mug shots on a television cop show.  You know, turning page after page trying to pick out the perp who did the crime so they could do the time.  

Credit:  Reposted from Facebook from Project Forgive

That was not the case.  I didn’t have to look into the archives, browse facebook or any other place to find who I needed to forgive.  I only had to look in the mirror.

Yes, my list of who I needed to forgive included only one person, and that person is ME.

When I really sat and let the idea of choosing forgiveness sink in, I admit that a few people came to mind that I would benefit from letting go; however I kept coming back to the common denominator and I was it.

It became abundantly clear that if someone in my life and ecosystem had done or said something that was hurtful, fearful or angry that I reacted to, they were responsible for the words or actions; however I am wholly responsible for holding onto the feelings of those words or actions elicited in me.

I am the one who created a space in which to hold onto that moment, that comment, that whatever.  Therefore the person I most need to forgive is me.

As for my list of “what’s” and the feelings associated; now that list is the opposite of short.

That list includes beliefs, doubts, fears, shame, annoyances, and a number of “shoulds,” that others may have provided the seed for, assisted or supported me in creating, but again, I am the one responsible for allowing them to take root and take up space.

Day Two:  Emotional Richter Scale

I’ve decided to take my list and allocate on a scale of 10 where my feelings are vibrating at.

My intention is to get to Neutral which in this case is 0.

The scale of 1-10 is varying degrees of attachment to the emotion, and my personality draws me to starting to work with the double digits; however I’m choosing a more gentle approach.

I’m going to allow myself to sit with my list and associate my Richter Scale Values and create a foundation from which I will move forward from for the balance of the month.

Releasing the Clench and Sending myself (and all) Lovingkindness…

The Emotional Oil & Water

Grief can arrive like the rolling in of black clouds before a storm.

Grief can make your brain feel stuffy like a full blown head cold.

Grief can make your physical body feel as if you are walking through mud.

Grief can contract your emotions so tight you feel like you are waiting for the bomb to blow.

Grief feeds on and morphs into the very monsters hiding in the closet or under the bed.  

Grief sensitizes us to ourselves and others.
Grief is the great lecturer on the past;
Grief is the shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Grief is the judge and the jury;
and given permission grief can be the jailer.

Grief is the darkness.

Grief does to you anything it wants...if you allow it.

So what now................(Inhale Peace)

I choose Gratitude (Exhale Love)

I choose Lovingkindness.

The days leading up to the memorial date were not filled with Lovingkindness.  Nope they sure were not.

I was channelling the power of anger and depression.  The uninvited flashback moments of 4 years ago running through my  mind.  The details as crystal clear as if it were all happening in present moment.  I could feel it in my body, I could smell it, I could taste it.  I could hear the question, "Why?" being asked by myself and others.  I was generating a vortex full of wrath and fury fueled with sadness and loss.  I was feeling "without".

Then, I would look at my daughters and the storm would pause, the turbulence would sigh with dismay at losing momentum.

The morning of the memorial day I woke up feeling lighter.  Feeling partly cloudy rather than imminent storm.  I asked the girls what happy story they were thinking of about their Dad.  I saw their father in their faces.  I invited private flashback moments of their births, of stories of our lives with him.  And I began to feel gratitude. I was feeling "with". 

Not gratitude for him not being here, but gratitude for him giving us what we had with him in our lives.  Reflection.

Over a comfort food breakfast we shared stories.  Nurture

Looking around our ecosystem and feeling Blessed.  Gratitude.

Choosing kindness over bitterness.  Community.

Inhaling Peace and Exhaling Love.  Love.

Went out for lunch and shared laughter and fellowship.  Joy.

Reminded myself that I am supported.  Spirit.

Allowed myself to let go.  Flow

The mixing of Gratitude with Grief is like trying to blend oil and water.  

Grief being the oil at the top not allowing the water (Gratitude or Peace) to mix in.  You can shake the jar as long and hard as you want and in the end the oil will always float to the top.  

We can not change the physical properties of oil and water, however what we can do is change our perspective.  Perhaps the oil is the Gratitude and the water is the grief?  Its possible, if we allow it.

Everyone has their own process in coping with and moving through grief. And as each year passes I'd love to say that it gets easier; however what I will say is that it gets different.

I consciously choose to be open to what is possible.  Grief can rise to the top on any given day.  

I'm not looking to close the door on grief for myself or my daughters, I am however always open to creatively approaching this memorial day or any other day that grief appears. 

I'm grateful.  I'm grateful to be here to hug my girls, to love my girls and send love to everyone who has lost.

Its safe and okay to be sad and miss our Dads,

Its safe and okay to love and miss our Dads,

All is well.

Inhale Love,

Exhale Peace

and repeat.

Purging & Acquisition: Last Lap

Getting back on the airplane to Frankfurt after our whirlwind tour of home we were exhausted and laden with luggage.  We came with 2 pieces (one suitcase held another suitcase inside) and left with 4 jumbo bags plus our abundantly plump carry-ons.

Leaving Canada with our stuff was easy, making our train connection in Frankfurt was going to be a synchronized weight lifting event.  Here is a tip:  When travelling by train in Europe, if the schedule states that it is leaving at 15:22 then it is leaving at 15:22. As well the train may only stop for about 3 or 4 minutes before it carries on out of the station.

I worked out with the girls who was going to get on first, who was going to be on the receiving end of me hoisting/pitching/dragging the bags into the train. Then we would negotiate where we would park the bags once on board.

Also, fun fact, I'm not a stranger to packing a well stocked bag and am usually in awe at those around me who get onto the train or check in at the airport with their Barbie size suitcase for a 3 week holiday.  Now I'm not opposed to the concept that you can always pick up what you need there, yeah that is never a problem.  The image of me and my girls with 4 large suitcases, 3 large carry-ons and purses, I believe made many an observer shake their head at us.

We were successful, we were exhausted, we were trying not to be lulled to sleep by the train as we had a station change in short order............Once back to our quaint little cottage, now feeling like it was bulging at the seams with our luggage our shoulders instantly relieved being back in our home.

Over the next few months we continued to cultivate our lives, our friendships, our connections and penchant to cover as much of Europe as possible, all the while knowing that our time in Deutschland and Nederland may be soon coming to an end.



Returning to Europe and back to the now familiar sights, sounds, languages and vibe.  We had been Blessed from the moment we first landed that we were welcomed and it felt like Home.  

Sure we hacked our way through the language, and that continued throughout our time, but very rarely did it feel "foreign" to be there, Germany and The Netherlands were exceptional Hosts.

Not all expats have this experience and I viewed this as a tremendous gift. 

The one thing that expats all have in common is having to say "good bye".

Creativity is...

When I first saw the picture of Creativity is... it was welcome sign I needed.

First of all, in my opinion, it is a compilation of truths and each phrase was a good shot of the vaccine I needed to quell the overwhelming approach of my Monsters.  

"Monsters" is the term I've been akin to using in my coaching to identify fears, and monsters have been known to morph into what can feel like an omnipresent black cloud.  However I feel that when we are able to identify what feeds the monster and what diminishes it we can begin to take our power back.

Thanks to social media we can choose to be inundated with sage words of wisdom & powerful images of inspiration, its the moment we grasp something that we can carry forward into action that makes the substantial difference in our experience. 

For me, the following motivational words is what prompted me today to get creating some action for myself....

I've been Blessed in my life to have been the recipient of and creator of big life changes.  The best of which is that I regret nothing.  Yes N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Sure there could have been a couple do-over's in choices, but in reflection I'm grateful for everything that life has brought me & taught me about myself and others.

The tricky bit is when you are in the midst of transition, trying to find your feet and NOT doing is easier than doing.  And if I'm not doing "Sherry Things" in "Sherry Style" how is that going to serve my No Regrets record?

Today I'm choosing to keep in my present the phrase "The ability to be able to express yourself freely, in whichever way you choose without having your wings clipped".  

This is my go forward intention to create space!