Couples Therapy: My Relationship with Procrastination

It took a long time of struggling with the push and pull dynamics of the relationship to finally ask myself:

• How had I allowed myself to be bullied for so long?  
• When had I given up so much power over myself?  
• And how could I release this hold on me?  

Being caught in this vortex was not serving my purpose. 

The need for change was imminent.  

Or was it?

It seemed futile to look for balance in a relationship, such as this, when the common ground felt as stable as quicksand.  I needed to step onto the sidelines of the blame game and determine what my role was in all of it.  Along with my new found conviction to make a change, I set off armed with fresh eyes, an open heart and a clean slate to begin anew.

Determined, I moved forward, seemingly unaware of the subtlety of the seduction, the light and easy suggestions, the whispered ideas luring me to come out and play.  The gentle urgings, the innocent voice, the promise of “it will only take a moment; you'll be back on point right away.”  

The mastermind I was dealing with worked easily and effortlessly to derail my intentions.  

The initial moment was drawn out with the cajoling of, “Just one more minute, what’s one more minute?…You can make up the time later.”  

Those are not the demands of a bully, they are simple requests or so I led myself to believe.  Once the realization came I was furious.  It wasn't just a moment, it wasn't just another minute, I had been duped yet again by the exponential growth of a single moment into the whole loss of a day.

I berated myself, I belittled myself, I was angry at myself for being led. Angry at the apparent ease I had succumbed to distraction.  

Where were my fresh eyes, my open heart? 

I looked at my clean slate with disdain, now smudgy with taunts of distracted success by procrastination.  Chaos ensued.

Chaos had become a common ingredient in my life and it reigned in my world more times than not. In turn I welcomed chaos as I began to notice and accept that I thrived within its outer appearance of frantic disorder.  

That feeling of being more grounded as I stood amid the eye of the storm, more productive, more decisive, more clear and more successful to get my tasks done.  I began to relish in my many accomplishments handled and realized that I create chaos for my greater good.  Then it hit me.  

If chaos was a direct descendant of procrastination how could I love one and not the other?

I had found my piece in this dysfunctional relationship and now I could make my peace.

Procrastination had firmly established a place in my life, and for years I had rejected its value.  I had adopted the attitude that we could not work together, either I was on top or on the bottom, no balance. 

I was attempting to keep track of wins and losses and each time I checked the scoreboard I was always behind.  My feeling like a victim in the relationship only served to feed procrastination’s power over me.  The imminent change I needed to make was not one of overpowering my opponent, rather to embrace the challenges procrastination presented me.

I wanted procrastination to do the work to change.

I wanted procrastination to leave me alone so I could relinquish the guilt I felt when I listened to the whispers.

I wanted procrastination to respect my productivity rather than seducing me away from it.

I wanted peace! And procrastination was not giving it to me.

Making peace with something is akin to forgiveness.  The process is to accept what is in its natural state, not being in agreement, condoning it or in opposition to it, but to find neutral ground from which to move forward from.  

Procrastination had been doing its job, and doing it well without fail.  It always led me to chaos which I admittedly embraced yet I continued to resist the journey with procrastination to get there.

The relationship looks and feels different now that I have accepted procrastination for what it is.  

In my opinion, it is a momentary meandering off the path, or coloring outside of the lines as a means to an end.  I have chosen to view procrastination as a gift to myself and gently allow myself to wander for moments at its request.  

I have given myself permission to get to the end result without fear of veering off my predetermined path and know that procrastination allows me a bit more time for mulling or creating before the destination is reached.  At times getting there may be chaotic and other times not, that works for me too.

Procrastination and I are cultivating that comfortable relationship known best by old friends rather than adversaries, most of the time.  

How do you face procrastination?

This is my favorite way of approaching things that have the putting it off vibe...

Wood You? - Its Elemental Dear Bagua

If a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound?  I'm not sure.  However if a palm frond falls off your palm tree and hits the neighbor's garage it most definitely makes a sound.

I've had the pleasure of being in the garden on 2 occasions in the last month to hear the cracking and subsequent whoosh and crash of a 2 metre frond drop.  This morning as I looked up at my tree I was struck with something, perhaps you can relate.

Isn't it fascinating that plant life just does what it does?  Right now in the Southern Hemisphere I see new leaves opening on my trees, my lawn is covered in clover, my citrus trees are nearly done producing and the palm is dropping the seed branch which I think is Australia's version of snow.

The tree never questions its process, it just goes with its rhythm.  All it wants to be is a tree.  

You don't see the orange tree trying to emulate the bamboo, or the bamboo trying to be a hedge.  Plant life does its thing, its the plant its intended to be.

The element of wood in Feng Shui is that of growth.  Plant life of all kind have a foundation of roots to support the growth above the earth.  Just like in our literal life we sometimes need to cut or prune to allow new growth, or to clear so that growth is not stunted or all consuming.

Wood is 

• intuition, 
• it is what you see and what your don't see; as in the plant/tree reaches out above the earth while the roots are hidden in the earth therefore it holds trust; 
• its an element of new growth, new skills, new projects. 
• Wood embodies expansion.
• trees have branches; our brains can branch out
• trees have seeds; seeds are knowledge
• the color green.

Wood is in Balance when we can trust the process and take reasonable risks; while open to guidance and open minded.

Too much wood can leave us feeling encumbered, and we can not keep up.

Taking to much on and consuming to much of the Earth.  We need to bring in the metal element to cut the wood.

Too little wood may be felt when we are not branching out; when we are keeping ourselves small. We need water in order to nourish Wood.

I invite you to consider where you are nurturing yourself for growth in all ways.  Physically, mentally and emotional nurturing to grow your tree of life.

Who am I Creating?

Captivating quote Mr. Shaw.

My youngest daughter recently shared with me her love of this quote, and I wholeheartedly agree with the message.

As I've been focusing on creating my/our life here in Australia I've shifted my attention to other forms of media to build my community.  Such as Facebook and YouTube; and freshly added is Pinterest .  

Admittedly as much as I value my personal strength in all ways, my dang gremlins when it comes to writing stuff down are very robust & convincing.  So thanks for indulging me as I again "Start where I am".

I have grown with the number of people who have "Liked" my Facebook Business Page and today I feel an overwhelming urge to Share about Me.  And not in the blurby, marketing kind of way in order for those who have been attracted to what I've been posting to get to know me.

So here goes...

If a picture says a Thousand words, I'd be curious as to what words you would use to describe me at a glance from the picture above.  

• I am Loud Music and I am Silence and every rhythm and beat in between.
• I am as much Type A as I am Atypical.
• My Physical workout style is: Feel the Pain & Push my limit; my Bodywork teaching style is restorative.
• I can exude the Rock Star Vibe as well as being the Zen Vibeage.
• I can and will eat that plate of French Fries with as much enthusiasm as I do juicing beetroot, spinach and carrots.
• I do not buy Fat Free anything unless by accident and I only use butter.
• I am sarcastic; I am diplomatic.
• At times outspoken, but always truthful.
• I know what it feels like to Love.
• I know what it feels like to Grieve.
• I will stand up for what I believe in; I will stand behind those I believe in.
• I am as simple as I am complicated.
• I am Fire; I am Water.
• I am Yin and I am Yang.

With Gratitude I can say with conviction I am...ME!

Enjoy your day ;)

Purging & Acquisition: Last Lap

Getting back on the airplane to Frankfurt after our whirlwind tour of home we were exhausted and laden with luggage.  We came with 2 pieces (one suitcase held another suitcase inside) and left with 4 jumbo bags plus our abundantly plump carry-ons.

Leaving Canada with our stuff was easy, making our train connection in Frankfurt was going to be a synchronized weight lifting event.  Here is a tip:  When travelling by train in Europe, if the schedule states that it is leaving at 15:22 then it is leaving at 15:22. As well the train may only stop for about 3 or 4 minutes before it carries on out of the station.

I worked out with the girls who was going to get on first, who was going to be on the receiving end of me hoisting/pitching/dragging the bags into the train. Then we would negotiate where we would park the bags once on board.

Also, fun fact, I'm not a stranger to packing a well stocked bag and am usually in awe at those around me who get onto the train or check in at the airport with their Barbie size suitcase for a 3 week holiday.  Now I'm not opposed to the concept that you can always pick up what you need there, yeah that is never a problem.  The image of me and my girls with 4 large suitcases, 3 large carry-ons and purses, I believe made many an observer shake their head at us.

We were successful, we were exhausted, we were trying not to be lulled to sleep by the train as we had a station change in short order............Once back to our quaint little cottage, now feeling like it was bulging at the seams with our luggage our shoulders instantly relieved being back in our home.

Over the next few months we continued to cultivate our lives, our friendships, our connections and penchant to cover as much of Europe as possible, all the while knowing that our time in Deutschland and Nederland may be soon coming to an end.



Returning to Europe and back to the now familiar sights, sounds, languages and vibe.  We had been Blessed from the moment we first landed that we were welcomed and it felt like Home.  

Sure we hacked our way through the language, and that continued throughout our time, but very rarely did it feel "foreign" to be there, Germany and The Netherlands were exceptional Hosts.

Not all expats have this experience and I viewed this as a tremendous gift. 

The one thing that expats all have in common is having to say "good bye".

Purging & Acquisitions: Language of Now

No the phone did not ring with an offer right after I began the process of changing the energy about selling the house. Though how cool would that have been? :)

I knew that this was a transitional time for all 3 of us who were invested in the process and I felt more than ok about letting things move forward on their own as it was easier to do now that I/we were lessening the grip on to it energetically.

Months later there was an event that was happening back in Canada that all 3 of us wanted to be at occurring in October. The timing of the event was in sync with school holidays at the International school, however, in order to travel that distance I wanted to stay longer than the scheduled break from school.  In order to take extra days I had to apply for the girls to be absent well in advance of the time.

On the application form it asks why you require the children to be out of school outside of normal holidays?  My answer, Because we sold our house in Canada and needed to go back to move out.

Which technically was not exactly true, but my intention was for it to BE TRUE.  

So this really amped up my vibeage by way of believing it!  Every time the Autumn break came up in conversation I told people we were going to Canada, to move out of the house!  Yes I was believing my own marketing :)

Three weeks before we were to leave for Canada I received an offer on the house and based on the contract the conditions would be lifted while we were physically there.  Supreme Good Vibeage from that synchronicity and a good way to now release the house both energetically and physically.


As a visual person, I map out what I am doing by seeing it in my head.  So I stepped back into my memory of the house and all the boxes and saw myself organizing them for the mover to come and haul them out into storage.  Yes I kind of clenched about the per month price but now I didn't have a house to store them in anymore so it all balanced out.

I was able to organize most everything via email so that the groundwork had been laid for me to get it done in the time that we had.  A little twist to the whole situation was that less than a handful of people knew that we were coming back since the event we were attending we were showing up as a "Surprise!" That added a bit of mystery and covertness to the operation and a challenge thanks to social media not to spill the beans on the potential sale of the house and our trip back.  

I'm a big fan of chaos, yeah I know crazy.  But I had Zero thoughts that I wouldn't have enough time to accomplish this feat during our 10 days, in addition to other events planned.  It would be hectic but doable.

At my first opportunity I had to get into the house I was going to re-acquaint myself with what we had left to deal with inside.  This meant that I planned to sift through some of the contents that perhaps were important 14 months earlier but today would be different.

Not to mention from a financial standpoint, the boxes not only represented our worldly belongings but along with it a monthly price of $750 for storage fees.  Hmmm doing a quick calculation again...

• I had dodged paying that fee for 14 months, good call Sher!
• I was looking at a minimum storage time of 10 months until...who knew maybe 5 years? You do the math...
• Once our stuff was in storage the next time we would be accessible to it would be when they delivered to our next house.

When I say that the time to Purge was upon me, and I don't mean a bag or 2 of clothes, letting go of some old sheets & towel I mean... 

The Everything must GO NOW PURGE!!!

Practicing what I post.

Living abroad we can find ourselves at times missing certain comforts from home, such as food.  These things can be appeased by either requesting a care package or being creative in the kitchen, our feeling of missing can be satisfied for the time being.

When we miss family or friends, that too can be handled quite easily with an email, skype call or any number of online options.  However, no matter how far technology has come when we miss that special person that is beyond this world, there is a palpable void.

Special occasions like birthdays, Christmas and other calendar dates bring up those feelings and in some ways we can be some what prepared for those times, since we know they are coming up.  Its the times, when no matter where in the world you are, that on a Thursday, for no accountable reason, you feel as though you have been swallowed up and the feelings of loss have enveloped you.

As an adult I can and do practise what I posted in the Rock Star or Roadie blog and through that can navigate my way through the funk.  As a Mom, my instincts want me to just tuck my girls away, hug them, hold them and fix things.  

But I can't.

No amount of hugs from me can replace the arms that they wish to hold them.

Listening to me can not replace the voice that they wish to hear.

A Mom can do and be many things for their children; but a Mom can never be their Dad.

I can only love them, hug them, help them as a Mom.

I can be a "go to" person for them.

I can breathe deeply & evenly, and encourage the same.

I can listen and through that feel the heaviness of the funk lighten.

We can talk and acknowledge that these heavy feelings are temporary and know that they aren't always this strong.

We can sort through some choices and auxiliary experiences, created during this time, that may have best been put on pause, but learn from them all the same.

I can and do remind them of their Rock Stardom; we can smile, laugh, and feel even more heaviness dissipate.

Reaching out to someone when you need a "go to" can seem like the most difficult step; 

Reaching in to someone when they need a "go to" can seem equally so. 

To keep connected during these times takes willingness and faith on both parts.

The email, phone call or invitation for a walk may be the opening up to helping yourself or another feel lighter and better able to make their way back on stage.

Feeling like a Rock Star or the Roadie?

Where is your vibeage right now?


You know the Rock Star feeling, when everything you've got going on is going on!  You are hitting every note and are working through everything with relative ease!  Daily you take to the stage of your life and no matter what comes your way...bam... you have it handled.  No question, No hesitation, you have the "I Got This" attitude.


Have you ever felt like the Roadie?  When everything you are doing feels like heavy lifting, tripping over the cords, constantly stepping on the sticky patches of spilled coke?  When you face the day with the attitude of, "Geez I hope ________ doesn't happen", or I forgot to (fill in the blank) and you are always in catch up or clean up mode.  Not an awesome place to be.


Someone responded to my Rock Star question with, "I don't even feel like I'm on the tour"...so now what?"


My response to the query above was "What would it feel like to coast?"  Think intermission - a time out, a pee break, a chance to get a drink, buy a t-shirt or whatever.  Consider this as an opportunity to take a pause.


When you are in a funk what can you do?


1.  Acknowledge- Be gentle with yourself knowing this is temporary.                            


2.  Mental Sorting - Take the opportunity to see what is coming up for you. What is occupying your mind that has you confounded.  Grab a journal and write. 


3.  Decide not to decide - There are things that will have to be handled and do so; if there are auxiliary things that you could delay making decisions on do so until you are back in the zone.  


4.  Keep connected - Enlist the help of your support network, talk it out with your go to person(s) and share the load.  Your circle of support would not want you to carry that heavy load alone.  Reach out.


5.  Keep moving - February is a month whereas we are still in winter, the sun is graduating towards spring, and the weather can't seem to decide what to do.  Go for a refreshing walk, grab your Ipod, your friend, or pet and get some fresh air.


6.  Breathe & Belly Laugh - I realize you are breathing but stale, stagnant air can accumulate and hangs out in our lungs as it can in our homes.  Pop in your favorite comedy movie and watch and laugh, find a friend to have fun with and laugh!  Find a Laughter Yoga class and even if you don't feel like giggling the benefits of this type of yoga is amazing. 


Not feeling solid or balanced can be reflected in the body as in the mind.  Make a list of 5 things that help you feel more centered, perhaps one or more are listed above.  If not seek to discover what those things are in you, for when a funk happens you have your own personal toolkit to get through to the other side, refreshed and ready for your close up!


Rock On!!!

Vacation Mode

When is the last time you took a vacation? I mean the kind where you are not travelling to go to a conference, wedding, family event, or any other occasion but simply going away from your home to vacate your work, your routine and your space?

For me it has been to many years to admit to and I recently returned from a glorious week on the island of Maui. I have been fortunate in my life to spend some quality time there however this was a first trip for my husband and kids and our first collective trip together to the beach.

Prior to vacating the premises I frantically buzzed in my life to get things done before our departure. Roaring through the house to clean it, doing laundry, and washing linens. Packing up the luggage for myself and the kids, fussing about which books I haven’t read and trying to pick which ones I would take (note I said take & not read). Anxious to make sure that all consults, classes or appointments had been confirmed for my return, email inbox managed, phone calls returned etc etc. However I had planned to take my laptop so that even though I was on vacation I would still be accessible by email and really this would keep one foot on the beach but still have one foot at home. Hmmm a bit contrary isn’t it.

Truth be told, I had forgotten what it was like to really vacate, to abandon my personal routine of coffee & inbox. And even though my intention was to just “be” and go with the flow, I really didn’t have a clear vision of what that would be like. But the environment reminded me quickly brought me present and all I wanted to be was with 2 feet on the beach.

On Day 2 I got connected so I could send out my email blast for my upcoming classes, I decided 15 minutes tops. You know skim read the inbox, send out the email which I had begun to create prior to leaving and poof press send and grab a towel and go.

Day 3 I thought okay just another 15 minutes on the computer as I had difficulty updating my webpage with the class information and the family was moving slowly that morning so I could safely step out of the vacation mode momentarily.

Aha not such the case…in my haste I neglected to provide the most fundamental information and my inbox was flooded with questions like, “I’d love to take the class, when is it being held?”, “I didn’t see a time or date for your classes I’d like to register…” and many variations on the same. It was in that moment as I began to frantically reply that I realized that I had not committed to truly vacating. In fact I thought that I would be successful in being in both places at the same time but my heart, my mind and my body wanted to be at the beach.

After replying to the emails, resending my blast and apologizing for the error, I shut down the computer and put it away in the suitcase only to be brought out to download the pictures off of the camera. This decision was easy, it allowed me to be present, and I chose not to think of what my inbox represents and rather decided to firmly plant both feet! Aloha