Toddler Flashback, Fast Forward to Sweet 16

For the last month I've been hanging out with a toddler, whilst her Mom recovers from surgery.  I have been and am fascinated how even though it has been over a dozen years since my youngest was that age, how the things I did then still have merit today.

We have had tea parties, have been reading books, counting fingers and toes, mixing ingredients and singing silly songs at every opportunity.  I'm in awe of this little 19 month old.  I'm in awe of how much she has changed in this month. I'm in awe by how much she has learned and even more so, how much she has taught me.

This has been an ongoing reflection of when my own girls were of that age. Watching them interact with her, laughing, giggling and soaking up her toddler cuteness.  This has prompted many conversations about when they were wee kids and what they used to do, say and be like.  

My favorite question from them was "Did you do that stuff when we were little?" My answer was, "Of course I did!"  This has been an opportunity for all 3 of us to glance back.

Fast forward to my eldest's 16th birthday yesterday.  

Which for all intents and purposes it feels like forever since she was 19 months old.  Even though she can not recall that time in her life as succinctly, as she is observing a toddler now, there have been many times that I have caught myself watching clips of her then in my mind's eye.  Feeling like it was just yesterday. 

Not unlike toddlers, sixteen years olds absorb more of what you give to them than you may know at first glance.   Back then I worried about whether I was doing it "right", whether I should have done it this way or that way.  And the inquiry I've lately, "What would I do different?"

As I Flashback to her toddlerdom to today I'm fascinated by her.  I'm in awe of all that she has learned, how much she has grown.  I'm in awe of all the things she has taught me.  

I know I can get caught up in the moment, at times I don't know which way is up, and if I am doing the right things.  And as each change, opportunity, challenge, bump, scrape and experience happens no matter how old my children are I'm doing the best I can in the moment.  

Being present.  

We all are.

Spending time with a toddler, alongside my teenagers, has offered me the gift of perspective.  Looking back to who I was then and who they were; to who I am now and who my girls are; to who we are all becoming; has been the most exceptional gift.  

I am Grateful! 

World Suicide Prevention Day Reblog: Illnesses that no one saw coming

Originally Posted in 2013

I believe in synchronicity.

I believe in and welcome the arrival of the most perfect people, teachers, words, inspiration, motivation, products etc coming into my world.

As the Universe would have it, I was compelled to click on a link that led me to the following post regarding the language used in, amongst, around and in association with Suicide.

Here is what’s troublesome about the term “suicide survivor.” With cancer, heart disease, liver failure and so on, the survivor is the person who is directly affected by the health problem, who lives it and sometimes dies from it.

By taking on the role of “suicide survivor,” the bereaved accept the role of “victim” as well, since they are inexorably connected. You cannot be a survivor without being a victim.

And to be a victim, there must be a perpetrator.

Would that perpetrator, then, be the very person for whom they grieve? 

This post has shaken my core, in as much as I have been precipitating the very stigma around Suicide that I "wished" did not exist, however never thought to turn the language around as I have in other areas of my life.  The author has given me a powerful tool to do just that.

When we replace “killed themselves” or “committed suicide” with “had a fatal depressive episode,” we start to see the horror of the mental illness that took our son, our daughter, our sister, our brother, our husband, our wife, cousin or friend.

And we can reduce the stigma, we can open a real dialogue, we can stop blaming our loved ones and ourselves and get to the tasks at hand – understanding, healing and prevention.

No matter if or how you have had an experience with suicide this post may very well be a catalyst of change.

Change in how we think about Suicide;

Change in how we don't talk about Suicide;

Change in how we feel about Suicide;

Change in how we heal;

Change in how we move forward.

I am grateful for Joel Kobren's, honesty, vulnerability and courage in this post 

"Illnesses that no one saw coming".

This post is infused with Peace and Love,

Sherry

http://sherrytrentini.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/the-emotional-oil-water.html

Couples Therapy: My Relationship with Procrastination

It took a long time of struggling with the push and pull dynamics of the relationship to finally ask myself:

• How had I allowed myself to be bullied for so long?  
• When had I given up so much power over myself?  
• And how could I release this hold on me?  

Being caught in this vortex was not serving my purpose. 

The need for change was imminent.  

Or was it?

It seemed futile to look for balance in a relationship, such as this, when the common ground felt as stable as quicksand.  I needed to step onto the sidelines of the blame game and determine what my role was in all of it.  Along with my new found conviction to make a change, I set off armed with fresh eyes, an open heart and a clean slate to begin anew.

Determined, I moved forward, seemingly unaware of the subtlety of the seduction, the light and easy suggestions, the whispered ideas luring me to come out and play.  The gentle urgings, the innocent voice, the promise of “it will only take a moment; you'll be back on point right away.”  

The mastermind I was dealing with worked easily and effortlessly to derail my intentions.  

The initial moment was drawn out with the cajoling of, “Just one more minute, what’s one more minute?…You can make up the time later.”  

Those are not the demands of a bully, they are simple requests or so I led myself to believe.  Once the realization came I was furious.  It wasn't just a moment, it wasn't just another minute, I had been duped yet again by the exponential growth of a single moment into the whole loss of a day.

I berated myself, I belittled myself, I was angry at myself for being led. Angry at the apparent ease I had succumbed to distraction.  

Where were my fresh eyes, my open heart? 

I looked at my clean slate with disdain, now smudgy with taunts of distracted success by procrastination.  Chaos ensued.

Chaos had become a common ingredient in my life and it reigned in my world more times than not. In turn I welcomed chaos as I began to notice and accept that I thrived within its outer appearance of frantic disorder.  

That feeling of being more grounded as I stood amid the eye of the storm, more productive, more decisive, more clear and more successful to get my tasks done.  I began to relish in my many accomplishments handled and realized that I create chaos for my greater good.  Then it hit me.  

If chaos was a direct descendant of procrastination how could I love one and not the other?

I had found my piece in this dysfunctional relationship and now I could make my peace.

Procrastination had firmly established a place in my life, and for years I had rejected its value.  I had adopted the attitude that we could not work together, either I was on top or on the bottom, no balance. 

I was attempting to keep track of wins and losses and each time I checked the scoreboard I was always behind.  My feeling like a victim in the relationship only served to feed procrastination’s power over me.  The imminent change I needed to make was not one of overpowering my opponent, rather to embrace the challenges procrastination presented me.

I wanted procrastination to do the work to change.

I wanted procrastination to leave me alone so I could relinquish the guilt I felt when I listened to the whispers.

I wanted procrastination to respect my productivity rather than seducing me away from it.

I wanted peace! And procrastination was not giving it to me.

Making peace with something is akin to forgiveness.  The process is to accept what is in its natural state, not being in agreement, condoning it or in opposition to it, but to find neutral ground from which to move forward from.  

Procrastination had been doing its job, and doing it well without fail.  It always led me to chaos which I admittedly embraced yet I continued to resist the journey with procrastination to get there.

The relationship looks and feels different now that I have accepted procrastination for what it is.  

In my opinion, it is a momentary meandering off the path, or coloring outside of the lines as a means to an end.  I have chosen to view procrastination as a gift to myself and gently allow myself to wander for moments at its request.  

I have given myself permission to get to the end result without fear of veering off my predetermined path and know that procrastination allows me a bit more time for mulling or creating before the destination is reached.  At times getting there may be chaotic and other times not, that works for me too.

Procrastination and I are cultivating that comfortable relationship known best by old friends rather than adversaries, most of the time.  

How do you face procrastination?

This is my favorite way of approaching things that have the putting it off vibe...