Pages

Friday, November 1, 2013

Emotional Richter Scale - Choosing Forgiveness

I’m curious if anyone had the image of me (or of yourself) grabbing your High School yearbook, a photo album, or address book and flipping through it as if you were looking at mug shots on a television cop show.  You know, turning page after page trying to pick out the perp who did the crime so they could do the time.  

Credit:  Reposted from Facebook from Project Forgive


That was not the case.  I didn’t have to look into the archives, browse facebook or any other place to find who I needed to forgive.  I only had to look in the mirror.

Yes, my list of who I needed to forgive included only one person, and that person is ME.

When I really sat and let the idea of choosing forgiveness sink in, I admit that a few people came to mind that I would benefit from letting go; however I kept coming back to the common denominator and I was it.

It became abundantly clear that if someone in my life and ecosystem had done or said something that was hurtful, fearful or angry that I reacted to, they were responsible for the words or actions; however I am wholly responsible for holding onto the feelings of those words or actions elicited in me.

I am the one who created a space in which to hold onto that moment, that comment, that whatever.  Therefore the person I most need to forgive is me.

As for my list of “what’s” and the feelings associated; now that list is the opposite of short.

That list includes beliefs, doubts, fears, shame, annoyances, and a number of “shoulds,” that others may have provided the seed for, assisted or supported me in creating, but again, I am the one responsible for allowing them to take root and take up space.

Day Two:  Emotional Richter Scale

I’ve decided to take my list and allocate on a scale of 10 where my feelings are vibrating at.

My intention is to get to Neutral which in this case is 0.

The scale of 1-10 is varying degrees of attachment to the emotion, and my personality draws me to starting to work with the double digits; however I’m choosing a more gentle approach.

I’m going to allow myself to sit with my list and associate my Richter Scale Values and create a foundation from which I will move forward from for the balance of the month.


Releasing the Clench and Sending myself (and all) Lovingkindness…

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Inventory: Choosing Forgiveness

After writing the post Creating Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness, I've been noticing a definite shift in my vibeage.  

Credit:  Reposting image from Good Vibe University Facebook Page


In the spirit of “letting things go” I've been drawn to take care of some of those "niggling" things that have been in lying in wait for my attention and weighing on me.


Since writing

  • I've cleaned out my purse (now substantially and literally lighter),
  • I've cleaned out my fridge and just like the car analogy when I open it I love the tidy and shiny look,
  • I've organized my pantry,
  • I've created a stack of things to put in the Post.  Cards that I've been meaning to write, pictures I've been meaning to send, and little odds and ends that I've had on my mind but kept sloughing them off.
  • I've sorted out the tangle of shoes at our entry and discarded ones that have been waiting to be released.
  • I've got a tidy uncluttered desk.
  • I've sorted through and found homes for papers that have been stuck on the bench top purgatory and now have a home.
  • And a couple more items along the same theme.
  • Interesting Note is that all of the things I took care of were out of sight but not out of mind.  
I ended the day feeling accomplished and the best part was that it had all been an organic process.  I've been known to whip myself into a cleaning frenzy and channel my inner whirlwind.  However it just started with one thing, then segued into the next, with a calm, cool, and productive and meditative rhythm.

Having addressed most of my items on my “should-do” list, and if you haven’t heard, One should never should on oneself. In addition to feeling accomplished I and my environment felt lighter.
  
Throughout the next 30 days I intend to create more of that good feeling.

Day One –  Inventory

It’s necessary to reflect on the past and acknowledge and identify who, what and specifically the feelings that are being held onto that  are full of negative stuff. 

This is my exercise in consciously choosing forgiveness, therefore I am requiring myself to consciously take stock of all that needs to be let go of.

Word of Caution:  This is not permission to don your judge’s robes, grab your gavel and start casting judgment.  Nor is this an exercise to envelop you and your past in a shroud of victimization.

I am not seeking retribution from others; I am choosing to release the attachment to and the belief of, that holding onto any past angers, hurts, embarrassments, etc is serving me.
The only service it is providing is to create restrictions in my life and hold me back.  Sustaining the clench takes away more energy than it would ever give and limits flexibility. 

Inhale Peace
Exhale Love

Inhale Now
Exhale Then

Inale Peace
Exhale Love...




Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Creating Space Within by Choosing Forgiveness


My last blog post "Holding Your Own Without Losing Yourself", has been the motivation behind my focus for the month of November.  I'm choosing to consciously release experiences, memories, the niggling things that are in the past and reclaim that space for my present and future.

My intention is to get to neutral.  

Why neutral?  

Neutral is the vibeage where there is no longer any attachment to the emotions around the experience.  It allows you to be able to recall a memory without it spiking your emotional richter scale, and making you feel heavy with remorse, anger or other emotions that can weigh on us.

Depending on the scope of what comes up during this process I respect and appreciate that some things may not get wiped clean to neutral; however my intention is to lessen the grip and lighten the intensity overall.

Here is what I have come up with to guide me, and perhaps guide you.




Think of a person or experience that when brought to mind you feel negatively about. 

Perhaps you feel it in your gut, perhaps you feel it in your heart, perhaps your entire body is immersed in a clench of the emotions conjured up by that person, experience and memory.  

Emotions such as:
  • Anger
  • Annoyance
  • Hurt
  • Guilt
  • Sadness
  • Shame
  • Disappointment
  • Resentment
  • Regret
  • Bitterness
  • Rage

And the list goes on…

However long ago this person or experience affected you, if when brought to mind you are catapulted back into that moment, back into those emotions, back to feeling what you felt as if it were happening in this moment, it is consuming valuable real estate within your heart and mind.

Forgiveness is not about accepting the person’s actions or words as okay; nor accepting the experience as appropriate or acceptable.  Forgiveness is relinquishing the discord you are holding onto and filling that space with Peace.

The words were said, the actions taken, they happened in the past and letting go of them releases them from your present and future.
Who or What are you holding onto most? 
Who or What could you let go of that could possibly make you feel lighter, literally and figuratively?
Perhaps its something that happened last week, last year, high school or childhood.

I invite you to ask yourself what it would feel like for you, if you no longer felt so strongly (negative) about it?
What would it feel like to release or lessen that feeling of holding on? To them or to it?
What would it feel like to no longer feel that strongly about something in your past?
What would it feel like to lessen that gripping feeling?
What would it feel like to be able to recall that person or experience and not get fired up?
What would it feel like if you were not carrying that excess baggage about someone or something in the past?
What would it feel like to be no longer affected by______________?
 What would it feel like to reclaim that space to be filled with feelings that support you rather than deplete you?

Have you ever done a big cleanup of your vehicle or home and when you stand back to admire your labors it feels fresher and lighter?

That feeling of “Oooh it feels so good to get behind the wheel and look through clean glass, see a freshly wiped console and vacuumed carpet!”. That action didn’t bring back the original new car smell but it most certainly improves the environment.

I invite you to take that freshly cleaned car feeling and superimpose that onto your heart and mind.

What would it feel like to wipe down your internal console, vac the carpets and shine up the glass through which you view the world, people and experiences?

OR

What about carrying a heavy bag on your shoulder or carrying a heavy box, and once you put it down your exhaustion lifts and fatigue begins to lessen practically immediately?

Expressing that feeling of “Wow, that feels much better”.

And after your break from carrying that load you pick it up again and it feels as heavy or heavier than before.

The same can relate to the heaviness of our thoughts and feelings. What would it feel like to put them down, and not pick them up to carry again, or at the very least, unload some of the weight?

For the next 30 days I invite you to “clean the glass, wipe the console, put down the heavy bag or box” and to overall lighten your load.

I invite you to reclaim the space being held by the stories, the experiences, the people, moments that hold you in a place of discord, discomfort and pain. 

Perhaps there is just one.
Perhaps there are many.

Pause for a moment and imagine what it would feel like to let some if not all of it go.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Holding Your Own Without Losing Your Self

I'm grateful for the wisdom found in the book "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie.  This post includes the 22 October passage. 
"Trust Yourself.  Trust what you know.
Sometimes, it is hard to stand in our own truth and trust what we know, especially when others would try to convince us otherwise.
In these cases, others may be dealing with issues of guilt and shame.  They may have their own agenda.  They may be immersed in denial.  They would like us to believe that we do not know what we know; they would like us not to trust ourselves; they would prefer to engage us in their nonsense."

The words above may resonate with you.  

In principle you can read that with resolution and conviction and agree wholeheartedly.

If you are on the receiving end of someone else's projection of guilt, shame and of their agenda; the application of this statement may require you to find your most perfect way to hold your own without losing your self.

"We don't have to forfeit our truth or our power to others.  That is codependency.
Believing lies is dangerous.  When we stop trusting our truth, when we repress our instincts, when we tell ourselves there must be something wrong with us for feeling what we feel or believing what we believe, we deal a deadly blow to our self and our health.
When we discount that important part of ourselves that knows what is the truth, we cut ourselves off from our center.  We feel crazy. We get into shame, fear and confusion.  We can't get our bearing when we allow someone to pull the rug from under us.
This does not mean that we are never wrong.  But we are not always wrong."
How is it that someone else's words can so succinctly devalue our own truth?

How do we effectively sift through the rubbish in order to apply the statement above:  that it is NOT about us; rather a reflection about them?


  1. Feel what you are feeling!  Be mad, sad, hurt, angry, tearful and any combination of these and more.  Allow yourself to have that immediate goosh of emotions and feel what you are feeling.   
  2. Phone a friend not the perpetrator!   Our emotional defense mechanism may be set to retaliate first ask questions later; however sending that email or picking up that phone to blast that person is a reaction not a response. Choosing to be cruel is cheap and easy and reacting in a like fashion serves only the purpose of perpetuating cruelty.
  3. Breathe, get centered and ...

"Be open.  Stand in your truth.  Trust what you know.  And refuse to buy into denial, nonsense, bullying, or coercion that would like to take you off course.
Ask to be shown the truth, clearly -- not by the person trying to manipulate or convince you , but by yourself, your Higher Power, and the Universe."
I'm uncertain why fiction can feel weightier than fact at impact; however when we pause and find our own ground the "en-lightening" or weight shift can be tangible. Just because someone says something that they are presenting as truth, does not mean that it is true, for you or about you.  

Give yourself the time to disseminate their words and find perspective.  Allow yourself the opportunity to process the situation after the initial goosh of emotions have been released.  This may take minutes, hours or days.  Give yourself permission to take the time YOU need.

Once centered and open we can choose the response that best fits ourselves, the situation and best supports you.

"Today, I will trust my truth, my instincts, and my ability to ground myself in reality.  I will not allow myself to be swayed by bullying, manipulating, games, dishonesty, or people with peculiar agendas."


Choosing to pause, breathe and gain perspective is choosing to respond rather than react.

By standing in your truth and releasing the initial investment and attachment to the words and letting them and the person go may be the end of this emotional ride.

Making peace and letting go of the situation without any reactive retaliation is not accepting what was said as fact or truth.  Letting it go no further is you resuming control of your center and respecting your truth.  

Engaging in written or verbal dialogue to change the perpetrator's mind will keep you in their vortex.  Their control, not yours.

Give yourself Lovingkindness and send some to them.



Sending them vibes of Peace and Love may not be your go-to idea; doing so serves to refuel your tank and support your center without taking anything away from anyone, as they may have intended to do to you.

Doing this may take minutes, hours, or even days.  However the value in consciously releasing the space they have taken up within you in favor of Peace empowers and strengthens you.

Inhaling...
Exhaling...
Inhaling...
Exhaling...

Keep practising until you can think of them, the words, the experience, you within the experience with neutral vibes.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

a YIN YIN Situation


In the 5 Element image above you can see that every number is exactly the same.

As each element has the value of 24 points, they are all Yin (less than 72) and no Yang (greater than 72).  Therefore each response to the Pop Quiz was with a score of 1 being the least likely.  

Quoting from the previous post Controlling Your Yang Elements 

Is it necessary to balance out my elements? 
or 
Does everything have to be matchy matchy?
The short answer is no, if you are content and feel that all is as it needs to be then hey, keep doing what you are doing.  If you are feeling like you would benefit from moving some energy to feel different or more balanced then the answer would be, yes.

It is not ideal to have equal scores on each of the elements.  It would be difficult to manage that and since life is dynamic we need both Yin and Yang elements in order to keep us moving.

I stand corrected.

The reader indicated that the answers were first instinct choices, in the moment of reading, while taking the quiz.  

My first instinct response is, "You are the most Zen person I've ever come across"

Using myself as an example I would hasten a guess that on any given day my own score results would vary based on what was happening in my present.  However I would safely wager that Fire would be Yang consistently based on my historical data.

My curiosity was piqued so I asked the reader to take a subsequent quiz called the Lifestyle Balance Analysis which asks specific questions to flesh out the Yin and Yang lifestyle influences in your life.  The totals were not dissimilar, Yin 71 & Yang 74 total scores.  

What my intuition keeps coming back to is,"Is it possible their dominant Yin energy can actually be their Yang?"

Perhaps.  And frankly Why Not.

Reviewing the Life Balance results coupled with the Pop Quiz, I'm continually drawn to the consistency of their nature.  Their strong sense of inner, of quiet, of individuality.  Their strength and comfort within themselves and investing in themselves can be feels like pure contentedness.

My observations of these indicators is that their lives and lifestyle supports the cultivation and maintenance of Yin.  The Yang factors:  the outer, the busy, the bright, the fast are filtered, absorbed and reflected back as necessary rather than them being intrusive and overwhelming.  Or seeing the Yang elements as a force to deal with, whereas they accept and respect the Yang without getting caught up in it.

Overall I would interpret these results as a win win or "Yin Yin" situation; the reader has created a nurturing life to live within; letting go of feeling that they are without.  




















    




Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Letting Clothing Go with Gratitude and Love

My post Feng Shui Your Wardrobe for Clutter Rescue has resonated with many, myself included, to take action and create space in the clothing closet.  

No matter how few or how many things you edit from your wardrobe I always invite people to say "Thank You" to the items that you are letting go of and to do so with "Love". 

If you are passing the clothes along as a donation or to someone you know; its good practise to infuse the articles with the good energy of Gratitude.  You valued their worth when it was in your closet, so send it on its way to someone else with that good feeling.

If you have any reservations about what you are decluttering do not let it leave until you can do so with love and thanks.  Otherwise the energy may linger as regret and not the vibeage you want to store in your freshly cleared out space.





Dress Stress:

Someone had recently let go of an outfit they had custom made for a very special occasion. 


Despite the beautiful memories of that event where she wore the dress; it also evoked the NOT so beautiful memories of her dealings with the seamstress. Even with the dress no longer in her wardrobe, she would be reminded, especially when looking back at photographs, of how she felt about the designer.

I suggested that she think of the dress and hold it in her mind; then focus on the JOY she felt while wearing the dress for the celebration; letting the Good feelings about the dress grow greater and stronger while letting the drama of the dressmaker experience go.  This may take some practise, however it will time and energy well invested.  

Simply Put:

  • Inhale the Joy of the celebration;
  • Exhale the dressmaker;
  • Inhale the Joy;
  • Exhale the drama
  • Repeat
  • Repeat
  • Repeat

Repeat until you can feel that you have released the dressmaker as you have the dress.

The beautiful memories from that occasion will continue to grow in value; while holding space for the designer experience does not serve you or honor your memories overall.  


What's in your closet that you would benefit from releasing with Gratitude and Love?  

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Knowledge and Self Cultivation = Reflection



Knowledge and Self Cultivation is the area that you would want to enhance if you are about to embark on learning or doing something new.  An area which would support any self-growth or self enrichment focus.  It is also the ideal area for cultivating peace.



If you have ever taken a yoga class perhaps you have come across the pose "Tadasana" or Mountain Pose.

Credit:  Living Yoga blog


I would describe the basics of the practise of Tadasana as the action of reaching through your feet into the earth, stabilizing the body; while simultaneously extending your head to the clouds, embodying the essence of a literal mountain.  


Mountains are majestic, they are wise and mysterious.  
If one were to travel up a mountain you would certainly enjoy the vantage point of looking at where you came from and be in a good position to see where you are going.



Knowledge and Self Cultivation is about Self.  What we have learnt in our lives, what we wish to learn and what we have learnt inherently about ourselves through all of our experiences.  




I feel the best representation of this area is Reflection.  I believe that we benefit from seeing where we have been in order to give us perspective on where we are going.  The good times, bad times, easy and hard times.  The whole package.



Reflecting on our lives is not about judging what we didn't do, didn't achieve, or how crap this or that situation was.  Reflection gives us the opportunity to view all those instances and observe what we were taught.  They are the ingredients of who you are in the present.


Each and every experience in your life has had value in creating who you are today.

Reflection is an opportunity to look for the value in those experiences with perspective.  
  • Looking back versus going back.
Reflection can be celebratory.
  • The "I" did, "I" tried, "I" learned, "I" survived, "I" overcame. Give yourself credit. 
Seeing your past as the base and building of your mountain and going upward and onward to the clouds.




The saying that "hindsight is 20/20" expresses that it is easy to see the value or the lesson of an event after the fact.  What this can also do is provide you an opportunity to see what you are holding onto from your past that may no longer serve you in the present or will serve you in the future.

The potential lies in the viewing the lingering feelings from an observer's standpoint, rather than judgement.  

Ask yourself what it would feel like if you no longer held heavy feelings about someone or something in your past?




How would it feel to move forward into your future without some of the excess emotional weight of the past?  

How would that affect your the stability of your Center or your Core?

I invite you to ponder and feel this, if you so choose let one thing or something go.


You may also like:  The Feng Shui Bagua Map

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The Feng Shui Bagua Map

The Feng Shui Bagua is an essential tool in associating areas of your physical space with the 9 areas or guas on the map.




Depending on the style of Feng Shui which you are interested in; the process of Bagua application may be different, however the areas on the map would not be dissimilar to the image above.  Therefore you may find that you enter your home through the Knowledge and Self Cultivation gua or that your bedroom is located in the Wealth and prosperity area.

This map could be laid over your entire property; it would be applied to your home overall, as well it can be mapped specifically on one or every room individually.  

The Bagua encompasses all the areas of our lives:
  • Knowledge and Self Cultivation
  • Health and Family
  • Wealth and Prosperity
  • Fame and Reputation
  • Love and Relationships
  • Children and Creativity
  • Helpful People and Travel
  • Career
These eight compartments, surround the Center, the common denominator or the glue that holds it all together.  The interconnectedness of the outside squares is possible because of the Center square, it is my opinion that the Center is YOU.

I personally use the Bagua Map as not only a tool which relates to our physical space, but as a tool which I value when looking at what is going on in my life, my thoughts, my feelings, my experience overall.  As well I can apply it to the things which I wish to bring into  my life, things I'm working on or towards manifesting.

The Five Elements series of posts I did (Metal, Earth, Water, Wood, Fire) beginning with the pop quiz, may have given you another perspective in which to look at creating balance, and potentially how your living rooms may or may not mirror that.  

This series of posts is my interpretation of Bagua map as it applies in Feng Shui; followed by how it can be an instrument aiding us in observing the balances and imbalances, to create connectedness and perspectives in our lives.  How our "go forward from the center: our thoughts, attitudes and feelings" have a direct impact on moving forward. 

Just like for your home, a Feng Shui consultant may invite you to move furniture, add elements, or subtract clutter in order to get the energy moving in your space; de-cluttering our minds is equally as important.  

My intention is to share with you my approach in Creating Space in life with my Creating Space Bagua.




With Grateful Ch'i...



Sunday, September 1, 2013

Couples Therapy: My Relationship with Procrastination

It took a long time of struggling with the push and pull dynamics of the relationship to finally ask myself:
  • How had I allowed myself to be bullied for so long?  
  • When had I given up so much power over myself?  
  • And how could I release this hold on me?  
Being caught in this vortex was not serving my purpose. 

The need for change was imminent.  

Or was it?



It seemed futile to look for balance in a relationship, such as this, when the common ground felt as stable as quicksand.  I needed to step onto the sidelines of the blame game and determine what my role was in all of it.  Along with my new found conviction to make a change, I set off armed with fresh eyes, an open heart and a clean slate to begin anew.
Determined, I moved forward, seemingly unaware of the subtlety of the seduction, the light and easy suggestions, the whispered ideas luring me to come out and play.  The gentle urgings, the innocent voice, the promise of “it will only take a moment; you'll be back on point right away.”  
The mastermind I was dealing with worked easily and effortlessly to derail my intentions.  
The initial moment was drawn out with the cajoling of, “Just one more minute, what’s one more minute?…You can make up the time later.”  
Those are not the demands of a bully, they are simple requests or so I led myself to believe.  Once the realization came I was furious.  It wasn't just a moment, it wasn't just another minute, I had been duped yet again by the exponential growth of a single moment into the whole loss of a day.
I berated myself, I belittled myself, I was angry at myself for being led. Angry at the apparent ease I had succumbed to distraction.  
Where were my fresh eyes, my open heart? 
I looked at my clean slate with disdain, now smudgy with taunts of distracted success by procrastination.  Chaos ensued.
Chaos had become a common ingredient in my life and it reigned in my world more times than not. In turn I welcomed chaos as I began to notice and accept that I thrived within its outer appearance of frantic disorder.  
That feeling of being more grounded as I stood amid the eye of the storm, more productive, more decisive, more clear and more successful to get my tasks done.  I began to relish in my many accomplishments handled and realized that I create chaos for my greater good.  Then it hit me.  
If chaos was a direct descendant of procrastination how could I love one and not the other?
I had found my piece in this dysfunctional relationship and now I could make my peace.
Procrastination had firmly established a place in my life, and for years I had rejected its value.  I had adopted the attitude that we could not work together, either I was on top or on the bottom, no balance. 
I was attempting to keep track of wins and losses and each time I checked the scoreboard I was always behind.  My feeling like a victim in the relationship only served to feed procrastination’s power over me.  The imminent change I needed to make was not one of overpowering my opponent, rather to embrace the challenges procrastination presented me.

I wanted procrastination to do the work to change.
I wanted procrastination to leave me alone so I could relinquish the guilt I felt when I listened to the whispers.
I wanted procrastination to respect my productivity rather than seducing me away from it.
I wanted peace! And procrastination was not giving it to me.

Making peace with something is akin to forgiveness.  The process is to accept what is in its natural state, not being in agreement, condoning it or in opposition to it, but to find neutral ground from which to move forward from.  
Procrastination had been doing its job, and doing it well without fail.  It always led me to chaos which I admittedly embraced yet I continued to resist the journey with procrastination to get there.
The relationship looks and feels different now that I have accepted procrastination for what it is.  
In my opinion, it is a momentary meandering off the path, or coloring outside of the lines as a means to an end.  I have chosen to view procrastination as a gift to myself and gently allow myself to wander for moments at its request.  
I have given myself permission to get to the end result without fear of veering off my predetermined path and know that procrastination allows me a bit more time for mulling or creating before the destination is reached.  At times getting there may be chaotic and other times not, that works for me too.

Procrastination and I are cultivating that comfortable relationship known best by old friends rather than adversaries, most of the time.  



How do you face procrastination?

This is my favorite way of approaching things that have the putting it off vibe...